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[Despoiler]

So, as I decided to come post this, I realized it might come across weird to many people. I'll try to elaborate without going too text wallish.

Alright- I'm a gamer. Have been for quite a long time. More than half my life. I've played Ultima, Archeron, EQ, DoAC, EQ2, FFXI, Guild Wars, and more recently WoW and WAR. I narrowed it down to WoW and WAR and would bounce between the two. WoW offered the end-game stuff I was looking for, and the occasional twink pvp that's just plain funny and WAR offered the non stop rvr that I've come to enjoy so much- especially as a torture DoK.

Well, being that I'm in my late 20s and have recently become married, and have a 2 month old baby. On top of that, I have a very active 8 year old daughter and my wife had from a previous marriage a very active 9 and 6 year old set of boys. Now, when I was a single dad it was easy to pop on and play a game every now and again, especially on weekends when Sam (my daughter) would go off to her grandmother's house or uncles.

Since being in my relationship/marriage, and with spring/baseball rolling into full bore, the thing I've done the longest- online gaming- became more of a wedge than a fun activity. It consumed a lot of my time, yes I admit it I played game a lot- so I dropped them altogether. I didn't want a game to be the reason my life fell apart.

Well recently, my wife and I had a chat. She had seen me, as she puts it, "in a strange mood" all the time. She said I look bored and detached. I admit, I'm having withdrawals, but I'm not letting them get in the way of things. As far as she's concerned, I've been a good dad and a loving attentive husband who occasionally writes on his SC story. She feels that it'd be alright if I played a game online again as long as it didn't consume my time.

I guess my ultimate point really is, does anyone have any suggestions as far as MMOs go that isn't as time consuming as WoW, or as interesting I guess, so I'm not as hooked but can still get on and do...stuff. Interact. Kill. Quest. Craft. Whatever it may be, something that's just not as heroine like in comparison.

Thanks for taking the time, 'pologies all around for the TL;DR.

[Ebonith]

Family comes first.  Having said that, you also need time for you, so you have to find a way to make it work.  What works for me is I get on when my family is asleep.  You may miss a lot of raid stuff from prime hours, but late in the evening there is still plenty going on.  Hope that helps.

[argyle2001]

I don't think that what you're looking for really exists.  Rather, I think that you're looking for an external solution to an internal problem.

Any game that's going to grab your interest is also going to compete for your time.  A huge factor in networked games is that there is a sense of priority or even urgency to some of it (or even just timeliness), in order to keep you coming back.  You're not going to find a game with a moderate time demand that you can pick up and set down entirely at will... and still derive the full benefit/enjoyment from it.  And if it's pay-for-play, you're going to get really resentful of NOT being able to play it when you DO set it down.

That's the external solution part, as in "there isn't one."

The internal solution is that you have to seek your own balance.  Even a new daddy (and congrats, by the way) is allowed to have some "Me Time".  You *are* allowed to take some time to yourself, and if that's spent online in an MMO, that's your own business.  You just need to learn how to spend your allotted time and then get back to your real life.  And that really CAN be tough.  You've got a wife, four kids, a job (or so I assume), and other passtimes like baseball, all of which want a piece of your day.  Furthermore, if you're taking an hour off here and there, Daddy... Mommy'd better get a similar break when SHE needs one, or you might well find yourself a single dad again.  You're not going to find a game that facilitates managing this sort of time crunch.  You need to find the skill to manage it yourself, around whichever game you wind up playing.

[FYI: Despite Ebonith's best intentions, giving up sleep is *NOT* a viable solution, unless you're a chronic insomniac to begin with.  If you think your wife is notincing personality changes now, just wait until you're getting by on 5 hours of sleep per night.]

I'm re-reading my post so far, and I see that the tone is coming off as pretty clinical, so this might read like a lecture.  It's not.  It's advice to one dad from another that's been there.  My daughter is almost eight now, but she was a high-maintenance kid.  My wife, however, was an EXTREMELY high-maintenance new-Mommy.  Daddy had *no* time to himself for some unreasonably long stretches at a time.  It wasn't a good situation, and it took a lot of work to find the balance.

That balance continues to take work, too.  You need to learn when you just can't take the time that you thought was yours, when to move it to some other time, and when to say, "Really, I need to get out of the freaking house this afternoon and go play pool with the boys, or I'm gonna eat a bullet."

(That last one is a bit subjective, obviously.)

You probably knew all of this, at one level or another, but I hope that enumerating the issues like this has helped anyway.  Now that all of the little details involved are spelled out, though, you can probably see that there's not going to be a game out there that can thread itself through your life.  You can work one in, sure... but it won't be because the game is designed around that concept.  It will be because you make it fit.

Good luck.

[Scattercat]

On that note, would a console RPG help?  Many of the modern ones let you have a lot of freedom to wander around in the world, but they aren't nearly as time-sensitive as MMOs and can be paused and saved at will.  Perhaps the Elder Scrolls series, or something similar?  It would at least be easier to pick and choose times to play it (whereas MMOs, particularly at the high levels, often demand considerable scheduling flexibility to take part in raids and so on.)

[Inomaru Key]

I agree with Scattercat
Something that doesnt need attention every day for dailies but something that can sit and wait for days, weeks, even months at a time are good.  its like a book, it wont change, it will be there when you get back

What argyle says is true too, though i have no real experience with that, but just ruining things with my gf

But there are casual games for a reason too

Hope you find what you are looking for

[SuddenS]

It really depends on what it is about WoW that 'gets to you', that entertains you. A huge part of what people call addiction to MMOs is plain and simple the people part. Without that unpredictable variable WoW would be outright boring after having 'finished' the game (in the terms of going to through every dungeon on your own and such) but this way it keeps on going and once they are in a guild people are/feel socially forced to be online as often as they are in order to keep up and not let 24 (or 9) other people down. It can be very frustrating but also a LOT of fun to work together with people efficiently and overcome obstacles.

So if that is the part you enjoy the most I would advise against a singleplayer game. I personally play both kinds (yeah, I'm a WoW freak *smirks*) but I get entirely different things out of the two of them, f.e. I don't play WoW (twinking alone or farming is something else but I never do that without multitasking or I might fall asleep o.o) if I am tired or can't concentrate because I am very much a perfectionist and always try to do my best - couldn't stand a wipe thanks to my fault Fallout, Morrowind, Fable, The Witcher (!) and the likes (all of them very nice games) I can play the pace I want whenever I want however I want. I can save (almost) all the time and take a break any time I need it.

TL:DR If you enjoy the people part there is no way around MMOs (yeah well or 'real' group activities), maybe try a small group that consists of parents just like you are with similar schedules that f.e. raid only one, maybe two evenings a week. You are not the only busy person that still hopes to play For everything else Scattercat and Inomaru already said their part

[Soren]

If you absolutely have to have an MMO to play, I would suggest EVE online.  It's a space MMO with an in depth story.  Also, there are no levels.  Instead there are skills, and you continue learning skills while you're offline.  So even when you're not playing, you're still accomplishing things.

[TimeBeast]

As a WoW player myself, I can understand the compulsion... I still think it's a game that can be played a lot more casually and still be fun as I do so myself. There are just as many guilds out there that are focused on hardcore end-game raiding and PVP as casual, family friendly guilds that are a lot more flexible, less demanding, and suitable for your situation.

I don't think switching to another MMO is going to have any effect if someone has addictive problems, which I don't think you do. I just think you need to find a community that is more in tune with your needs and responsibilities. Also, the fact that you gave it up when it was important to, suggests to me that you have the willpower and sense of direction to curb yourself if necessary, not to mention you also have a very supportive wife.

[Red Plan]

I get to be the wee devil on your shoulder. And if you do as I say it’ll all be your own fault anyway. *Smiles.*

Frankly, you are a junkie missing his fix.

This is not a bad thing since we all have addictive personalities. These addictions serve a function in your life. Me? Reading, smoking, and video gaming, all qualify as personal addictions. Without them, my mind is less stimulated and I tune out or start to mentally clog up.

You need something to fill that void where your mind used to be focused. The activity is a release for all that pent up feeling we acquire through the day. Clears the head… Provides a little thrill…

So what’s the solution? Find a substitute addiction to fill the void that fits your life and schedule. Maybe it’s something you can do with the family.

Maybe you need something personal. That’s why a solitary activity lures you in.

Another game? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Self discipline doesn’t apply to addictions. Otherwise they wouldn’t be what they are. You throw yourself into it instinctively. You’ll end up back where you were when you decided to quit the first ones, eventually.

So what to do? It’s killing your spiritual jazz. Leaving you in a malaise! Confused?

For your own good? Play WOW! Play something you’ll love. Go in knowing the activity is part of you and in spite of the potential problems you need it anyway. Nothing else will satisfy. You’ll just have to manage your time knowing you’re going to lose something somewhere be it sleep, family time, or something else.

Just be wise and don’t lose too much. Then your fix’ll bleed dry and nothing will ever fill the hole again.

If you need an excuse? Well! You can always say the devil online made me do it…

*Puffs his cigar!* I’m not giving out free play time cards today though. I ain't Santa... You gotta work wicked like to feed those needs, bub.