Apologies in advance for the length of this... Aside from grammar I am also addressing other issues, so just ignore them if you don't want that
"Trock whistled happily as he strode on the side of a long strech(SP?) of road."
strech -> stretch, also on which side of the road?
"Trock whistled happily as he strode down a long stretch of a road.
"It was a long dry, cracked and dirty road in the middle of no where, heading west for miles."
comma after 'long', nowhere together
"Trock wore a grey loose fitting grey under shirt under a light, thick brown travellers jacket."
'grey' is mentioned twice in the description... And how can a jacket be light AND thick at the same time?
"His dark blue shoes were travel worn but have never failed him yet."
'had' never failed him yet; you are switching from past tense here
"Trock's tan skin had a roughness that could tell any one that he had been through bad weather before."
a roughness 'to it', 'anyone'; Also the bad weather part is a bit off, bad weather once or twice doesn't change your skin... You could go for the being outside a lot thing 'that he wasn't one to study in the library' or for the way of the fighter 'that he had been in more than just one battle... and survived.' Not sure what you were going for here.
"He held his head high, his back straight, his left bright green right eye open, searching the horizon, his right much darker blue, heavily lidded eye at odd with his left."
'his left bright green right eye'? doesn't make sense ; You start a lot with Trock, he, his and so on, try to reshape your sentences sometimes, for example: 'Holding his head high and back straight, Trock's bright green right eye was wide open to search the horizon while...' and so on. ; 'much darker blue' implies that the other eye is blue too ; in which way is one eye at odds with his left? Does it look into an entirely different direction or is it just not quite so 'open'?
"his slightly larger than ears raises to the sky, listening for the sounds of life."
Start with a capital letter ; larger than what ears? ; 'raises' -> time change from past to present... also physically slightly impossible that ears are rising except of course he has dog ears or the likes.
"Trock had been walking for two whole days since his last stop, at an old truck stop."
Stop used twice.
"The place had been abandoned, not even the old rats were still around."
Was he in that place before? If yes, it's fine;
"He sighed heavily, life was so lonely."
A comma doesn't seem to be enough here to create a pause. 'He sighed heavily ; life was so lonely.'
"Right. Your still with me."
'You're'
"His throat seemed to go dry as he spoke. He hadn't spoken to any one in so long, now his brother was trying to speak to him again."
'anyone', 'in so long' should be 'for so long' or 'for such a long time' ; 'now his' -> 'and yet here his'
"Ironic. Considering that Trocks twin brother had been the one who had condemned him to a life of lonelyness and and weary-some travels."
'Ironic, especially considering' otherwise the connection is a bit loose ; 'loneliness' ; two and's
"Trock manuvoured his right hand in front of him as he looked down at it."
Why does he have to look down at it if he moved it so that it's now in front of him? ; 'maneuvered', although the word seems a bit off, too ; 'Trock maneuvered his right hand so that it now was in front of him.'
"You left me alone so long ago, cuasing me too much pain. Now you try to come back into my life? You are the cause of even more pain! Leave me alone and stay away!"
'causing' ; Also 'You are the cause of even more pain' might sound better if he is referring to the future deeds of his brother. 'You will only cause even more pain!'
"Trock's voice had intensified and grown louder."
I would leave that out as it is obvious that he is yelling at the hand.
"Just go leave me alone!"
'Just go - leave me alone!'
"His right hand flexed into a fist. Tears were begining to drop from Trock's eyes."
Wrong time -> 'Tears started to drop from...'
"Trock grabbed his right hand with his left and leaned forward slightly before pushing forward with his left foot, then taking another with his rihgt."
'right' ; Also, taking another what with his right? You didn't mention step.
"He ran as fast as he could, his shoulders begining to sag as he ran. Trock tripped on a rather large stone and fell, landing on his face."
Better: 'Soon, he ran as fast...' Simply because the first few steps seem like such a struggle in your description that his movement has evolve first.
"You come back!?"
Not entirely sure what you wanted to do here, but I suppose it would be something like "What?! You are coming back?!?" or, if he actually hears words: "What do you mean, you are coming back?"
"His vision exploded into blackness as a sudden jolt of pain lanced from his right hand, through his arm, shoulder, and neck, then finaly into his brain."
Wrong commas and breaks in the flow of the sentence. 'from his right hand through his arm and shoulder, up to his neck and finally arrived in his brain.'
"Trock lay there, motionless, His brothers right hand pulling itself forward, dragging the rest of the body along with it."
'his' instead of 'His'. 'lay there, motionless while his brothers' right hand pulled itself forward... dragging the rest of the body along with it.'
In general, I notice some comma issues (like Alhaja pointed out, read the sentence aloud) and that you start a lot with the name of the character, his and her. Aside from that, I really have seen much worse when it comes to writing so don't get discouraged
Also, I am still German (and thus English is not my first language) so if
I gave some advice here that is simply wrong don't hesitate to ignore or correct me
Hope I could help...[/b]
